Yesterday, I was in a session with my long time learning buddies, Jan and Tom. Jan shared some deeply personal and scary stuff, which spurred me on to do the same.
Yes, I started working on my no-longer-significant-other-shit that still is rolling around inside. (voice inside: Still? Yes, still, I should be over this already! I’m not…) Almost apologetically, I began.
I leaned into this emotion as it welled up in me, scary-sad-angry. Everything about it reeked of terror in my animal brain. As I approached, it was like opening Pandora’s Box. My mind was saying: no, no, don’t go there! You’ll be sorry! Don’t open that can of worms, don’t open that overwhelming sea of endless pain and suffering! It will engulf you, it will destroy you! You’ll never get out alive!… on and on and on.
I leaned in further. With the anchor of the non judgmental presence of my companions, and using different tools I’ve learned over the years, I ventured deeper. I could literally feel my father, my mother, my past relationships, my son. I touched on the fringes of the intricate web of my ancestors. geez. Sounds almost psychedelic, huh? I found these things that impact me today go oh-so way-back. In the spirit of forgiveness, of myself and those around me, and yes, my ancestors, I dove deeper. I found connection to my past-present-future, a sensate experience of how they all intertwine. How they all inform my every moment, consciously and unconsciously; buried treasure. I found gold. Literally, a priceless treasure; a new level of acceptance. A ever growing wholeness.
This is not the beginning for me, I’ve been on this journey along time. But it is another step along the infinite path to ownership of me, cherishing and loving every part, no matter how ugly, painful, scary it seems.
Where are you on this journey? Are there things you’ve swept under the rug, unfinished business, grudges, disappointments? Are there topics your afraid to speak about; with someone in particular? Is it time to face in? to fess up? Are you ready to take the next step on your path?
What would it feel like, to untie those knots in your neck, release that weight on your shoulders, the gold threads that bind your heart but no longer serve? What does that look like? If there was one thing you could do today that could shift your world, what would that be? Share here if you feel moved.
I am appreciating opening up my experience to the world here. I love watching it ripple out. If you feel moved, reach out and connect with me. Though we walk our own unique path, this journey need not be taken alone.
Namaste. The divine in me, salutes the Divine in you.