This is a picture of my Dad last year on his birthday; Josh came up and we celebrated with him at Newport Creamery, the old stomping grounds.
I didn’t even remember it till half way through the day. But I was in a funk all morning, then I’m going over to some friends’ house and a fire truck rushes by with it’s siren on–I burst into tears.
That’s when it all started: a year and a half ago–in New York City,or was it Rhode Island?- rushing with my dad to the emergency room in a big red fire truck. Then umpteen trips back a forth across the country, the emergency room, nurses, hospital beds, lawyers, doctors, TV, phone calls, roofs, floors, houses; preparing for a passage no one could fully admit to or comprehend…the slow and precarious decline, of a 92 year old Bronx-raised immigrant from Poland, sometimes kicking and screaming, other times playful and laughing, to his final parting.
It’s been a loooong journey.
It might sound a little weird, but I sat down and had a little talk with him. He never did like birthdays. We laughed about it. I told him I loved him. told him I was still mad at him, I let it go a little more. And then Mom showed up; talked to her too (yes, she’s passed on too…). I ranted about how this and that, the good the bad the ugly. Ended with the sparkles of pure love. That’s all that’s left now. Yes, I love ’em.
It’s amazing, I’ve been feeling them both ever since. Happy to connect. Happy to really feel them at my back, by my side, in my heart. Good, so good, to feel the connection beyond time and place.
The world is a different place now, Yes, I’m an orphan. I’m a different person. I remember before my mom passed, how I thought I couldn’t survive without her-that outpouring of motherly love that loves-you-no-matter- what kind of love. Somehow I survived through the transition, actually… why is it hard to admit?… I am thriving a very good part of the time.
Thank you Mom and Dad for all your support through the years. I know you did the best you could do. I know I did too. Good to feel the connection. Good to celebrate all of it, the good the bad the ugly, the weird, the happy the way it was–it’s an amazing, beautiful life. Thank you for every drop of what you did and still do bring to me.
And in gratitude I share this with all you.
Gratitude for every little precious drop of it.