Reality check #475

Reality check #475

I am in the perfect place
My timing is impeccable
All things are unfolding as they should
There is a grand scheme unfolding
yes, even better than I can imagine
I have survived, yes even thrived so far
I will continue to do so.

Unraveling and rewiring my primitive brain
that thinks I am going to die any second now
I have done it all wrong
round every corner, another possible problem and worse
there is no hope and it’s all my fault.

Breathing into now.

Reality check #476
I am fine, right here, right now.

This Precious Moment

Breath has taken on a whole new meaning these days.
It’s what I do to get through.
It’s what I do for fun.

It’s what I do when I dont know what else to do
It’s all that’s left when it seems a world has blasted to bits

some moments seem like that.2014-11-12 08.38.41

Whatever goes on
here’s the breath resting close in my body

constant
reminding me
I am alive
And often times it reminds me
how good it is

And I remember for this fleeting moment

How precious it is.

Roots

breathing in strength.
breathing out,2014-11-17 12.20.30

releasing my need to be a martyr
breathing in truth
breathing out,

releasing my attachment to your approval
breathing in love for myself
breathing out love for you Dad.

grateful for this moment
rain, wet leaves, smell of coffee
holding tightness in my throat and shoulders
feeling into my body
loving myself
releasing my pattern of insignificance
realizing my worth.

I can breathe

I breathe.
I know love

I love.
I can feel

I feel

I face into those feelings
I can be present

I am present now

Settling into this moment
I own my breath
it fills my lungs
I release it

I see you Dad
your downward descent
even if you don’t want to see it yourself.

When a child becomes a parent
when a parent becomes a child
I honor the journey

I honor the responsibility of my roots.

Cradled against the gray

all the trees are bare
and the sky is gray2014-11-09 15.41.06
I take a walk
on a winters day

I forget that the song is ‘California Calling’
That is true California, I’m calling.

I’m singing that to Dad as he allows me to walk with him
his slow measured step
each one carefully place on an unsteady ground.

the leaves bright and beautiful
have descended en mass the passed few days
as if winter is shouting out, time for the next chapter

There is something magical about a huge oak tree
shedding it’s many leaves in the wind
The slow gentle decent of a leaf and another and another
cradled against the gray

I watch a single leaf as if gently dances in the wind
And I think of a life
so delicate
we come we do this and that
fill the tree
feel the flurry
and then in a final show of bright colored beauty
we blaze

and then
we dance to the ground.

Opening

stop start stop again
start prayer breathe ask open call
wait stop breathe next what
nothing feels right
no direction clearScreenshot 2014-11-08 21.37.05
i guess i’ll just
stop breathe pray simmer
feel open trap and shake
loose the bolts of my thunder
wait breathe wonder
sleep.
start again
come up for air
worry sing wonder pray
sometimes breathing works.
feeling feelings too.
feel into the dream of opening

I let it in

Today the lake speaks of gratitude.
Gratitude for the sun,
the leaves,
the trees.
I feel that gratitude.
Gratitude for the simple things that ground me.reflections
The earth.
The passing neighbor.
The stranger in this strange land.

I release my need for approval.
I release my need for control.
I release my need for safety.
I let it go.

I let in the greater approval.
I let in the greater control.
I let in the greater safety.

I let it in.

I allow myself to be held in the arms

of something much bigger
than my little fears.

Thank you lake.
Thank you sun.
Thank you swan across the wind swept waters
A mirror of stillness stirring.

I let it in.

 

How is this perfect?

Rain
breathing
letting go

cold wet rain
breathing
knowing this is perfect
wondering how that could be so

how is this perfect?

good question

oh yes, then breathing
walk around the lake
do some breathing
breath some more
you’d think I’d get the hang of this
Breathing
feeling my feelings
loving what is

really?

How is this perfect?
breathing
the trees hold me2014-10-30 17.35.07
their red and rose and yellow and brown
their bare limbs coming clean
the falling of fall
brilliant
breathing
I’m breathing
walk and wonder
breathing
big ol’ bottomless pit

breathing

How is this perfect?

breathing.

Where’s truth?

Body comfortable, flowers
no judgement.
full participation.
mutual support.
no extra.
no force.
firmness and gentleness.
no hurry-no pause.
single moment, single activity.*

Say it three times very slowing every morning you wake and again before bed.
It will cure anything and everything. Yep says the fool skipping merrily along the edges of the world.

I love how truth is everywhere I turn, if I’m willing to look.
*These are the 10 Breema tenants. Breema is amazing.
The tenant are beyond amazing. .Thank you Andi Gibb!

Yes, and…

I took an comedy improv class about a year ago from  the amazing Gregory Dodds. One of the ‘rules’ for comedy improv is to always say ‘yes’, and then you add onto whatever presents itself (instead of no, not that!). That inherently keeps the energy flowing and building…it really works when your being wacky and wild and on the edge.sunsetwindow

I suddenly remembered that that concept today on the improv dance floor. Just say yes…

yes, and…

wow, what an amazing shift.  When something happens, just go with it and find the new expression that is trying to come forth.  It’s about not having any preconcieved idea about the right way to do it.  Being totally present and feeling into the present next step.

And then I realized that is true of life. Jeez.

Can I say ‘yes’ to what life is presenting me right now? ‘yes, and…’?
Instead of resisting what shows up?

Even when I think I know the way?

Even when I’m so sure I’m sure?

Present moment, stepping into my new now. Now.