Reality check #475
I am in the perfect place
My timing is impeccable
All things are unfolding as they should
There is a grand scheme unfolding
yes, even better than I can imagine
I have survived, yes even thrived so far
I will continue to do so.
Unraveling and rewiring my primitive brain
that thinks I am going to die any second now
I have done it all wrong
round every corner, another possible problem and worse
there is no hope and it’s all my fault.
Breathing into now.
Reality check #476
I am fine, right here, right now.
Breath has taken on a whole new meaning these days.
It’s what I do to get through.
It’s what I do for fun.
It’s what I do when I dont know what else to do
It’s all that’s left when it seems a world has blasted to bits
some moments seem like that.
Whatever goes on
here’s the breath resting close in my body
I am alive
And often times it reminds me
how good it is
And I remember for this fleeting moment
How precious it is.
breathing in strength.
releasing my need to be a martyr
breathing in truth
releasing my attachment to your approval
breathing in love for myself
breathing out love for you Dad.
grateful for this moment
rain, wet leaves, smell of coffee
holding tightness in my throat and shoulders
feeling into my body
releasing my pattern of insignificance
realizing my worth.
I can breathe
I know love
I can feel
I face into those feelings
I can be present
I am present now
Settling into this moment
I own my breath
it fills my lungs
I release it
I see you Dad
your downward descent
even if you don’t want to see it yourself.
When a child becomes a parent
when a parent becomes a child
I honor the journey
I honor the responsibility of my roots.
all the trees are bare
and the sky is gray
I take a walk
on a winters day
I forget that the song is ‘California Calling’
That is true California, I’m calling.
I’m singing that to Dad as he allows me to walk with him
his slow measured step
each one carefully place on an unsteady ground.
the leaves bright and beautiful
have descended en mass the passed few days
as if winter is shouting out, time for the next chapter
There is something magical about a huge oak tree
shedding it’s many leaves in the wind
The slow gentle decent of a leaf and another and another
cradled against the gray
I watch a single leaf as if gently dances in the wind
And I think of a life
we come we do this and that
fill the tree
feel the flurry
and then in a final show of bright colored beauty
we dance to the ground.
stop start stop again
start prayer breathe ask open call
wait stop breathe next what
nothing feels right
no direction clear
i guess i’ll just
stop breathe pray simmer
feel open trap and shake
loose the bolts of my thunder
wait breathe wonder
come up for air
worry sing wonder pray
sometimes breathing works.
feeling feelings too.
feel into the dream of opening
Today the lake speaks of gratitude.
Gratitude for the sun,
I feel that gratitude.
Gratitude for the simple things that ground me.
The passing neighbor.
The stranger in this strange land.
I release my need for approval.
I release my need for control.
I release my need for safety.
I let it go.
I let in the greater approval.
I let in the greater control.
I let in the greater safety.
I let it in.
I allow myself to be held in the arms
of something much bigger
than my little fears.
Thank you lake.
Thank you sun.
Thank you swan across the wind swept waters
A mirror of stillness stirring.
I let it in.
The lake always has a story to tell.
Reflecting the darkening sky
as the cold chill comes off the water
I am coming.
As sure as spring will come again.
cold wet rain
knowing this is perfect
wondering how that could be so
how is this perfect?
oh yes, then breathing
walk around the lake
do some breathing
breath some more
you’d think I’d get the hang of this
feeling my feelings
loving what is
How is this perfect?
the trees hold me
their red and rose and yellow and brown
their bare limbs coming clean
the falling of fall
walk and wonder
big ol’ bottomless pit
How is this perfect?
firmness and gentleness.
no hurry-no pause.
single moment, single activity.*
Say it three times very slowing every morning you wake and again before bed.
It will cure anything and everything. Yep says the fool skipping merrily along the edges of the world.
I love how truth is everywhere I turn, if I’m willing to look.
*These are the 10 Breema tenants. Breema is amazing.
The tenant are beyond amazing. .Thank you Andi Gibb!
I took an comedy improv class about a year ago from the amazing Gregory Dodds. One of the ‘rules’ for comedy improv is to always say ‘yes’, and then you add onto whatever presents itself (instead of no, not that!). That inherently keeps the energy flowing and building…it really works when your being wacky and wild and on the edge.
I suddenly remembered that that concept today on the improv dance floor. Just say yes…
wow, what an amazing shift. When something happens, just go with it and find the new expression that is trying to come forth. It’s about not having any preconcieved idea about the right way to do it. Being totally present and feeling into the present next step.
And then I realized that is true of life. Jeez.
Can I say ‘yes’ to what life is presenting me right now? ‘yes, and…’?
Instead of resisting what shows up?
Even when I think I know the way?
Even when I’m so sure I’m sure?
Present moment, stepping into my new now. Now.